You are the high achiever. The achievement is the source of the chronic drive, the chronic ambition, the chronic sense of the never-quite-enough. The achievement is also the source of the chronic emotional suppression, the chronic grief avoidance, and the chronic sense of the never-quite-felt that are the foundation of one of the most under-recognized, and most under-discussed, psychological phenomena in modern life. The phenomenon is the achievement-grief split, and the split is the source of the chronic emotional exhaustion, the chronic cognitive impairment, and the chronic disconnection from the felt life that are the foundation of the most under-developed, and most under-celebrated, character traits of modern achiever life.
The processing of the grief as the high achiever is the practice of feeling the pain without the productivity. The feeling is the source of the emotional regulation, the somatic release, and the meaningful life that are the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
Why the High Achievers Avoid the Grief
The high achievers avoid the grief for several reasons. The first is the identity fusion with the productivity. The high achiever is the source of the chronic identity fusion with the productivity, and the fusion is the source of the chronic avoidance of the grief. The avoidance is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The second reason is the cultural narrative of the success. The high achiever is the source of the chronic exposure to the cultural narrative of the success, and the exposure is the source of the chronic avoidance of the grief. The avoidance is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The third reason is the belief that the productivity fixes the pain. The high achiever is the source of the chronic belief that the productivity fixes the pain, and the belief is the source of the chronic avoidance of the grief. The avoidance is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The fourth reason is the lack of the modeling. The high achiever is the source of the chronic lack of the modeling of the healthy grief, and the lack is the source of the chronic avoidance of the grief. The avoidance is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
What the Unprocessed Grief Does
The unprocessed grief does several things. The first is the somatic symptoms. The unprocessed grief is the source of the chronic somatic symptoms, and the symptoms are the source of the chronic physical illness. The illness is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The second is the emotional numbness. The unprocessed grief is the source of the chronic emotional numbness, and the numbness is the source of the chronic disconnection. The disconnection is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The third is the relational distance. The unprocessed grief is the source of the chronic relational distance, and the distance is the source of the chronic isolation. The isolation is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The fourth is the chronic achievement drive. The unprocessed grief is the source of the chronic achievement drive, and the drive is the source of the chronic burnout. The burnout is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
What the Grief Processing Achieves
The grief processing achieves several important things. The first is the emotional release. The grief processing is the source of the engagement with the emotional release, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The release is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
The second is the somatic release. The grief processing is the source of the engagement with the somatic release, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The release is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
The third is the integrated self. The grief processing is the source of the engagement with the integrated self, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The self is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
The fourth is the meaningful achievement. The grief processing is the source of the engagement with the meaningful achievement, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The achievement is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
How to Process the Grief as the High Achiever
1. Notice the avoidance of the grief as the signal. The notice is the source of the awareness, and the awareness is the foundation of the change. The notice is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
2. Schedule the dedicated "feeling" time. The time is the source of the engagement with the feeling, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The time is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
3. Use the somatic release of the grief. The release is the source of the engagement with the body, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The release is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
4. Practice the "no productivity" rule during the grief. The rule is the source of the engagement with the grief, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The rule is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
5. Use the journaling to express the unsaid. The journaling is the source of the engagement with the unsaid, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The journaling is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
6. Get the professional help for the deeper work. The professional help is the source of the engagement with the depth, and the engagement is the source of the meaningful life. The professional help is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life.
7. Celebrate the felt experience. The celebration is the source of the reinforcement, and the reinforcement is the source of the motivation. The celebration is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
When the Grief Processing Is the Right Move
It is important to say clearly: the grief processing is the right move for the chronic grief avoidance, the chronic achievement drive, and the chronic sense of the never-quite-felt. The grief processing is the wrong move when the grief is the source of the active depression, the suicidal ideation, or the crisis that requires the professional intervention. The honest self-inquiry is whether the grief processing is the source of the meaningful engagement, or whether the grief processing is the source of the chronic overwhelm. The first is the source of the engagement, and the second is the source of the resistance.
The Takeaway
The processing of the grief as the high achiever is one of the most under-recognized, and most under-celebrated, integrations in modern achiever life. The integration is the source of the emotional regulation, the somatic release, and the meaningful life that are the foundation of the more engaged, more meaningful, more deeply felt life. The cure is not to productivity the way out. The cure is to feel the pain, to release the grief, and to engage with the felt experience. The next time you feel the grief, pause long enough to schedule the feeling time, to use the somatic release, and to engage with the grief. The engagement is the source of the more meaningful, more felt, more deeply integrated life.
