You sit down. The intention is to relax. The intention lasts approximately four minutes. The mental to-do list emerges. The phone is checked. The work email is opened. The "quick" task is started. The relaxation is over, and the productivity has resumed. The pattern is the source of one of the most common, and most under-discussed, psychological experiences in modern life. The experience is the "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety, and the anxiety is the source of the chronic exhaustion, the chronic guilt, and the chronic sense of the never-enough that are the foundation of one of the most under-developed skills of modern life.
The "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety is the chronic, often unconscious, experience of being unable to relax without experiencing the guilt, the anxiety, or the compulsion to return to the productivity. The experience is the source of the chronic exhaustion, the chronic guilt, and the chronic sense of the never-enough.
What the "I'm Not Good at Relaxing" Anxiety Is
The "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety is the chronic experience of being unable to relax without experiencing the guilt, the anxiety, or the compulsion to return to the productivity. The experience is the source of the chronic exhaustion, the chronic guilt, and the chronic sense of the never-enough.
Research on the relaxation response by Herbert Benson and others has shown that the relaxation is a specific physiological state, characterized by the reduced heart rate, the reduced blood pressure, the reduced muscle tension, and the reduced cortisol. The state is the source of the recovery, and the recovery is the foundation of the meaningful life.
Research on the inability to relax has shown that the chronic inability to relax is associated with the chronic stress, the chronic anxiety, the chronic depression, and the chronic cardiovascular disease. The inability is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
Why the Anxiety Is So Common
The "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety is common for several reasons. The first is the cultural narrative. The cultural narrative celebrates the productivity, the hustle, the grind, the 24/7 availability. The celebration is the source of the cultural pressure, and the pressure is the source of the inability to relax.
Research on the hustle culture by Oguz A. Acar and others has shown that the hustle culture is the source of the chronic pressure, the chronic overwork, and the chronic inability to relax. The pressure is the source of the cost, and the cost is the foundation of the difficulty of the navigation.
The second reason is the identity fusion with the productivity. The productivity is, in many cases, the source of the identity, the meaning, and the worth. The fusion is the source of the inability to relax, because the relaxation is the source of the threat to the identity. The threat is the source of the anxiety, and the anxiety is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The third reason is the fear of the missing out. The FOMO is the source of the chronic checking, the chronic availability, and the chronic inability to relax. The FOMO is the source of the anxiety, and the anxiety is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The fourth reason is the avoidance of the present. The relaxation is the source of the confrontation with the present, the emotions, the thoughts, and the relationships. The avoidance is the source of the inability to relax, and the inability is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The Cost of the Anxiety
The cost of the "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety is significant. The first cost is the cost to the physical health. The chronic inability to relax is the source of the chronic cardiovascular disease, the chronic immune dysfunction, the chronic inflammation, and the chronic pain. The cost is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The second cost is the cost to the mental health. The chronic inability to relax is the source of the chronic anxiety, the chronic depression, the chronic burnout, and the chronic insomnia. The cost is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The third cost is the cost to the relationships. The chronic inability to relax is the source of the chronic unavailability, the chronic irritability, and the chronic disconnection. The cost is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
The fourth cost is the cost to the meaning. The chronic inability to relax is the source of the chronic sense of the never-enough, the chronic postponement of the joy, and the chronic sense of the meaninglessness. The cost is the source of the difficulty of the navigation.
How to Learn to Relax
1. Start small. The start is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the change. The start is the source of the small wins, and the small wins are the source of the motivation.
2. Schedule the relaxation. The schedule is the source of the prioritization, and the prioritization is the foundation of the change. The schedule is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
3. Use the structured relaxation practices. The practices are the source of the engagement with the relaxation, and the engagement is the foundation of the change. The practices are the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the meaningful life.
4. Notice the resistance. The notice is the source of the awareness, and the awareness is the foundation of the change. The notice is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
5. Tolerate the discomfort. The tolerance is the source of the engagement with the present, and the engagement is the foundation of the change. The tolerance is the source of the growth, and the growth is the foundation of the meaningful life.
6. Be willing to be unproductive. The willingness is the source of the relief of the pressure, and the relief is the foundation of the change. The willingness is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
7. Celebrate the small relaxations. The celebration is the source of the reinforcement, and the reinforcement is the foundation of the change. The celebration is the source of the engagement, and the engagement is the foundation of the navigation.
When the Inability Is a Symptom
It is important to say clearly: the chronic inability to relax can be the symptom of a more serious condition, including the generalized anxiety disorder, the OCD, the ADHD, or the trauma. The honest self-inquiry is whether the inability is the source of the cultural pressure, or whether the inability is the source of the more serious condition. The first is the source of the engagement, and the second is the source of the professional attention.
The Takeaway
The "I'm not good at relaxing" anxiety is one of the most common, and most under-discussed, psychological experiences in modern life. The anxiety is the source of the chronic exhaustion, the chronic guilt, and the chronic sense of the never-enough. The cure is not to force the relaxation. The cure is to recognize the anxiety, to start small, and to engage with the present. The next time you find yourself unable to relax, pause long enough to recognize the resistance, to tolerate the discomfort, and to be willing to be unproductive. The willingness is the source of the change. The change is the source of the more present, more relaxed, more meaningful life.
